The King, by V.Lyn
My name is King and I have the biggest dick no matter what that man Victor says… I can lay pipe like pipe has never been laid…(he looks in the mirror at all 6’3″ of himself flexing his muscles) At 44 you’d think he’d know better about pipe laying cause his idea of magnificent pipe laying is rolling over, placing hands behind his head, his one eyed staff sticking skyward. Now if his idea for foreplay was a little more than a slap of spit on my ass at least a bit of a messaging of the ol’ mammary glands I’d be more willing to play a freaking concerto on that one eyed pied piper and since he doesn’t and I am a quid pro quo kinda girl, you do me I do you (after all I started too young for all those who have already read my brief bio can attest to), and I think at this stage of my life I am entitled to more than something poking me in the back in the middle of the night as though I am supposed to swoon. (Can’t a girl have an orgasm or two?) So instead he lays there as though he doesn’t know his love making is mediocre at best since it is not about us it is about him. Despite the fact that you have told him over the years there is something missing. That which is missing is interest in whether or not I am pleasured, and why should he believe me -after all you can be a bitch…and he well a narcissist… and of course he can lay it down like a virtuoso, so what I said cannot possibly be true so instead he asks “please suck my balls”. No foreplay after all why waste time…
“I swear tooooo God I am going to be the champ at the Body Building contest” Still flexing and preening. “You think I’m getting big babe? I swear to God I am gonna win that Body Building contest?”
Got damn you have to ‘mit it he looks good… Deep chocolate, a natural athletic body, good ‘nough to eat -but nope quid pro quo is strictly enforced here- Now I know I like having him around because he well shit the brother looks good, he is young and we are in synch in that.. I like hip, love to dance, have great stamina, love our many debates, and we have fun…most of the time…
“Are you going to work out today?” he ask, his eyes still making love to himself in a way no one else ever could.
Now here is a tad more history on me, I am 53, have worked out since I was ten, boxed an worked out up to 3 and a half hours six days a week up until 3years ago. The King(he’d wear a crown if he thought he could get away with it) and I have been together for seven years now(we often have lots of good times together, really, because I am callous an can emotionally detach and he is a narcissist and is natural detached, at the heart of his grandiose ego is an inferiority complex, seems like an oxymoron but …not) At the heart of his narcissism is a the creation of the man he wants you to believe you see the man he wants to be and fears he hasn’t measured up to…and me I am direct, have what I believe are anti-social tendencies and am impatient with what I think are weaknesses, or inconsistencies. When he is pissed off he would say cold, hard, unfeeling and a bitch, I say not a hypocrite. He would say emotional and I would say passionate but always logical. In the beginning he used to say “Why you got to be so hard” (he meant that physically and emotionally, why can’t you be compassionate? (Now in defense I am compassionate but my passion and compassion are directed towards issues more than individuals, unless individuals in the abstract, other than family) Why do your biceps have to be so big, why do your thighs and calves got to be so hard, why is your hair so short, why do you have to wear pointy shoes, why you have to wear stilettos, I like baby doll shoes, I wish your hair looked like it looks when it’s wet. Do you have to work out all the time? Why does your 2, 3, 4 year old grandson gotta command all your attention…what about meeeeeeeee…. (My answer was oh well I like it get used to it or go elsewhere. I like me. Just the way I am tough, because I have had to be, hard because sometimes the world demands it of you and yes sometimes a real biiiitch, but if you are my friend I am loyal to the end) or I hear more recently “The teachers aren’t fair (he is going back to school to become a nurse) they don’t ask the questions exactly the way they asked them in the book.”
“Well King that’s because they want to see if you understand the material not just regurgitate it” I respond.
His response as usual is sullen as though you have betrayed him by pointing out this reality. “Why can’t you support me and just listen and not take their side.” he states.
“King your smart you can do anything you want,. Did you really expect them to give you the answers or not make you think” Now I know I could say it nicer but well it’s the truth…
“That’s not the point sometimes I am not asking you to say anything just listen” (now I ask you how do you know when someone wants you to listen or to dialogue?)
“Ummm because it’s the truth and you are 44 and should be able to handle the truth. God stop being a pussy” I reply. (sorry I am not into coddling a grown man…and his grandioso tendencies my grandkids yes…adults buck up lets figure things out…sometimes we do reap what we sow…
Here’s an example of another of our conversation…I spoke to him about the abuse I experienced he says in a later conversation “I didn’t know it was a big deal, I though he just touched you?” even though I recounted the tale several times he didn’t hear me because the story was not relevant because it is not about him. he says I am making too much of his response, it is unreasonable of me to be offended I say even if it had been “just” touching that would be significant. But what is offensive is being invisible to the King. I said to him that I want to go back to college for my masters that I would like to become a college professor he says ” I see you more as a teacher” I say that his comment is demeaning and that is how he meant it. NJot because the profession of being a teacher is demeaning but because he thought the level would not be something I could obtain. He says I cannot know his mind….ummm yes while I am not a mind reader, that is one of his many self ascribed titles as well as professor, enlightened individual, culturally aware, a musical savant, an aficionado of great films etc. etc. etc. …. now while I maybe an under achiever as he likes to say, and I say “I define success differently than he does” and I am very perceptive especially concerning his nuanced speech, and sarcasm. I have an IQ of 130 and earned straight A’s through school and college despite being fuuuuuuccccked up every day while attending. I say his comment is tantamount to me saying upon being told someone wants to be a doctor that they are better suited at being a nurse, or if I told him when he said he wanted to go back to school to be a nurse ” I see you more as a lab tech.”
I tell him there is a book I would like to write…he instead tells me what he sees me doing is a children’s book, no dialogue on the book concerning African Americans todays and the structural racism that exist today which I’d like to write… no excitement, or feedback…No interest concerning the book about my father that I am writing other than to say “That’s interesting”, he has never read my blog although it is almost 2 years old and when he sees me drawing (mediocre artwork at best) he says I should try and sell them,(ummmm @ 25$ apiece) he is sincere here, now some will say that is a good step… but I say bull shit because I have never said I had a passion for it..I enjoy it..I am mediocre at best…Why it is bullshit is because he doesn’t know me because the me is irrelevant…The me has never said I am passionate about drawing only that I enjoy it. Now in case you don’t believe that he is a narcissist here is another example; I made a sketch of him shirtless waist up and for a school project he had to bring a picture of the things that mattered to him. Now here is what he wanted to bring in, a 5by7 photo of his kids and the 22by28 shirtless sketch of himself to class…I fortunately talked him out of it. Now it is not all him. I am reactive…if you are not attentive to me I will not be attentive to you…if you are distant to me I will be distant to you… if you are hurtful to me I will be far colder and hurtful to you…I won’t be soft because I am defensive..ready for a fight.
Hey babe guess what, I got a Versatile Blogger award from several of the bloggers I follow because of one of my post.
“Cool…Hey babe do you think my biceps are getting big? Do you think I’m getting big enough to win the Body Building contest in June?”
“I told you yeah two seconds ago didn’t I?”
“Yeah I know, but do you think my calves are bigger?
“Yes babe your calves are bigger, but how long are you gonna stand there loving yourself?”