Drayton's Gazette discusses social and political issues happening around the globe through the eyes of the African American, minority and disaffected communities.

A Womans Voice by: V.Lyn

Now there is something that I have been wondering about and perhaps some of you women out there can help me figure it out. Why is it that when a woman voices her opinion to her man, and her opinion happens to be different than his, perhaps fundamentally or even just on the smallest detail, he seems to see it as an affront against his manhood or intelligence, that she is DELIBERATELY disagreeing just to go against the grain? Can anyone help me out here? I have an opinion on this and it is less benign, somewhat cynical viewpoint.

First I think when they get so angry at our disagreeing with them it is because they see us as an appendage … and a less intelligent appendage to boot, because surely if we were smart we would agree with them. Secondly I think when they say comments like “I think you say things like this to go against me or against the grain” is that they do not truly value us as a person, not a woman mind you, but a person. They are the type of person who would say you are the most intelligent women I have ever met. Which is a back handed compliment even if unintended. Consider this if all you have met in the past are men with an IQ of 60 and then you meet a man with an IQ of say 62 he may be more intelligent than those with an IQ of 60 but he still doesn’t have all his oars in the water if you get my meaning. It would be far more complimentary for him to say “You are one of the most intelligent people I have ever met.” See I think that is the fundamental difference between him and I, I am all about the nuances, the small parts of the picture, the sentences, dissecting it and looking at the picture in a multitude of diverging ways. I try and see problems and issues as though it was a many limbed tree and each branch or limb connects to something else. So nothing is static, instead always flowing and interconnected. He sees things in Black and White, Right and Wrong, his way or against him. There is no room for grays, or nuances in his discourse. It is I am right and if you disagree then you are wrong. This makes him far less morally ambiguious than me I will admit. My morals can be quite adaptable. He would be a great judge while I would be a fantastic lawyer. He says he is a seeker of truth; yes he is a tad narcissistic, I say he is looking for affirmation of his version of the truth. Truth is fluid, facts tend to be static…what is true today may not be so tomorrow, facts are quantifiable, and can be proven.  Now I am not saying I am right in our disagreements, because sometimes there can be many truths, small degrees of truth because truth is made up on perceptions and experience, and subjective analysis, but it does not constitute fact, nor the truth for the masses. Here is an example, if the temperature is 95 degrees it is by most accounts a hot day however if I say I am not hot on a typical 95 degree day he thinks I am just saying it somehow to be a go against the grain kind of combatant person (see here I am now a person and not just a woman…see I can only be a smart women but the most exasperating person) but while he may feel hot at 85 the truth is 95 is fine by me. (I am not hot, I’m not, but I am cold at 50 degrees. )I never tell him when we disagree that he is just disagreeing in order to go against me or that he is being an against the grain type of person. I accept that his opinion on issues may be different than mine so I will either try to prove my case or persuade him. And while he does the same, it is the tightening of the jaw and the frustration that he exhibits and the fact that I think he has not heard me, shut me down cold, and only heard the fact that I disagree, and being incredulous that I the appendage has dared to twitch against his will he stares mesmerized at me like I am no longer a woman or a person but a whole other species.     The conversations get vehement; he says I am being emotional or that my arguments are based on emotion… I say I am passionate about the issue; I am not emotional because I have nothing at stake to either win or loss; by the way most of our disagreements are on political or social issues. Now I am not going to stop voicing my opinions, beliefs, facts, and personal truths nor do I expect or want him too. So ladies and any male readers out there if you can share some of your insights or experiences on this issue it would be greatly appreciated.


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